So it’s that time of the week again. If it isn’t the doorbell you’re waiting for, prompting the arrival of your online grocery shopping, then you’ve unfortunately once more found yourself in the trusty aisles of your local supermarket.
Whether it be Tesco, Aldi or the classier Marks & Sparks, I’m sure we can all relate to these so common, so real, and so #firstworld occurrences that happen during our weekly shop…
“I’m just popping in for a few bits”
…And out comes the whole of aisle 3, 5 and 9. This used to be the annoying habit you’d have to witness your parents do upon almost every visit to a supermarket, but you’ve now found you’re doing it yourself. Maybe it’s just a rite of passage we all go through on our journey to adulthood!
When pride overrules the burning bicep
With only a basket in hand, you’ve gone in to the store for those ‘few’ bits but somehow, every time, find yourself wandering past all those ‘necessities’ you thought would be nice to have in the cupboards in case someone comes over. The basket piles up, but the struggle continues on, all while our knees bear the brunt of the basket’s weight as we swallow our pride and refuse to succumb to a trolley.
…That’s if you remembered a pound in the first place
When a store doesn’t trust us enough that we won’t steal their trolleys. Are we not then forced to turn around and leave, in desperate search for a store that doesn’t require change in exchange for a trolley?!
The ‘lost sheep’ façade
The miniature panics that arise when you’ve wandered away from the other members of your grocery party and are then left with the pressing struggle of relocating them. As an ever-proud nation we will no doubt attempt to conceal this with some façade, as if we’re looking for a well-hidden food item.
Becoming an award-winning waiter/waitress
That pesky 5p bag charge sure does have an impact, allowing us to discover the overwhelming number of items we can carry using all manners of body parts, clothes and available space.
Timed to perfection
Striking gold with the reduced section and bagging the platter of sushi for just £1.19. WIN.
I thought self-service was supposed to speed up the shopping process?
I HAVE PLACED MY ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!
I’ll just have one grape from the bunch…
…Or just the crust from the French loaf. With the fresh fruit and veg aisles generally being the first pit stop of the average shop, if you’ve made it to the end of your shop without a significant amount of empty vines (or a trail of breadcrumbs) mapping your route through the store, you sincerely deserve extra Nectar points.
Bagging a bargain
Sometimes you choose a particular store that week because you’ve noticed certain items you need are on special offer. Is there anything more disappointing, then, when you arrive to discover it’s no longer on offer and decide the extra 14p is not worth paying for, so decide you can go without those crisps for the week?!
Too much food, so little time
Experiencing the almighty fluster that comes with the efforts to bag your items better than a game of Tetris, and fast enough so that you don’t clog up the end of the conveyor belt.
24 hours a day, 7 days a week
While we once accepted that shopping on a Sunday was a no-go, do we not now find ourselves ignorantly agitated when the store isn’t open 24 hours? You just can’t win, can you?
The ugly duckling
I think most trolleys are now presumed to be ‘dodgy’, as nearly all the front left wheels twirl uncontrollably in circles throughout the duration of the shop.