I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty clueless when it comes to make-up. Sometimes it feels like there really are only two types of people in the world: people who can’t properly match foundation to their skin tone, and people who can do magical things to their faces. If you fall into the latter camp, then congratulations: you win in the game of life… and you’re probably winning in the Instagram stakes, too, with a feed full of perfectly executed close-up shots of your glittery lips, unicorn eyeliner, holographic eyeshadow and ‘on fleek’ (is that still a thing?) highlight. I am equally in awe of, and confused by, Instagram make-up gurus, who seemingly have no qualms over putting weird and wonderful things on their faces because, well, art. But for every devastatingly pretty look, there is something that blows my mind – and not necessarily in a good way.
Here are some of the ‘trends’ circulating the Instagram beauty sphere at the moment. How many would you try IRL?
Right now – perhaps because reality looks so bleak at the moment that we need a bit of fantasy and mystique in our lives – people on the internet are loving unicorns, and also holographic stuff. Did not you realise that people genuinely identify as holosexuals these days?
Instagram star Giuliannaa has the whole funky eyeliner look nailed, with one of her specialities being her colourful ‘unicorn’ liner looks. Works well with holographic lips.
As in, drawing make-up looks on your thighs, just for the bant. Some might see it as a waste of perfectly good make-up; other might see it as pure artistry. Who needs to spend money on sketchbooks and paints when you can just use your own body and the contents of your make-up bag?
CBA to shave but still want to showcase your dazzling femininity? Just shove some glitter on there, girl.
One of the few social media-friendly beauty trends we can get on board with, gradient lips are basically all of our lips after two glasses of merlot – and zero trips to touch up our lipstick in the bathroom – no?
Crystals are having a moment right now as a means of connecting with your spiritual side and your genuine self. Well, not really – we’re all just stockpiling rose quartz because it looks good on the ‘gram, right? Right. Anyway, take your look (and quota of ‘likes’) to the next level by making your lips look like crystals. Far out, brother!
These wire nails look delightful and minimal and modish, but how long, realistically, would you be able to wear them without hurting yourself?
Continuing with this piece’s overarching unicorn theme, may we present ‘unicorn’ highlighter. The Closet team think it would be more suitably named ‘rainbow’ highlighter because, you know, it’s rainbow-striped, but apparently unicorns are also rainbow-striped these days. Who knows?!
Next time you think about complaining that everyone’s eyebrows look fake nowadays, try not to; you really don’t want to encourage the people out there who are making their eyebrows look like feathers, as a sort of anti-‘Instabrow’ statement. We have so many questions…